Buddhism 101: It's a Hard-Knock Life

Being sick the way I have been for the past 2 months has been a trying experience. There is nothing like a chronic illness to force the realization that so many of the things we believe to be "true" about ourselves and our lives--so many of the things that we are attached to--are completely impermanent, and can vanish in an instant. This might sound pessimistic, but it's not: It's the plain truth about life, and realizing it is the first step toward cultivating the absence of painful delusions. It's because we cling to impermanent situations as if they ARE permanent that we suffer when they are altered. Of course, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't appreciate the wonderful things about life, but that we shouldn't stake our appreciation on whether they last forever, or whether we can possess them--because nothing does, and we can't. Even this illness will end eventually, one way or another. This may seem like an otherwordly philosophy, one that might prevent us from forming deep relationships with others because of the truth of impermanence. But the exact opposite is actually true: We realize an even deeper appreciation for others precisely BECAUSE we and they are impermanent. This can also be applied to an investigation of the "self." Who are you once you strip away all of your attachments? When you're challenged with something like a chronic or life-altering illness, many of your attachments to the concept of yourself (and to life itself) are strained or even broken. I never realized, until I became so sick, how much I relied on the belief of my being completely capable for my own self-worth. Without being able to keep up with my work, or to spend hours reading and writing every day, or to handle the little mundane things that had seemed so easy before, I felt completely lost. I also felt potentially cheated out of the fantasty future I had created for myself--professorship, book publications, many long years with my wonderful partner. But instead of bemoaning the possibility of losing all that (how can you lose something you don't even possess?), I should be focusing on the value of each day, and working as hard as I can to improve my present situation. Thinking in terms of loss and injustice and failure is just too exhausting, and becoming exhausted is what causes you to give up.