The human ear: you don't want to know what can go wrong!

Those of you who know me probably also know that I've been struggling for the last four years with an inner-ear condition that produces lengthy (a month or longer) periods of vertigo. Well, after going to about a million doctors, I might finally have found something that works. To the left is the physical therapy movement that I've been doing, called the Brandt-Daroff exercise--apparently named after a couple of scary German gym teachers. It's stupidly simple to do, and takes only about 15 minutes a day to perform. I look exactly like this when I do it, too--except my boobs aren't as huge and floppy. Interestingly enough, almost every single image of this excercise on the net depicts a woman flopping over, rather than a man. Is there something particularly sexy or feminine about this? I certainly don't feel very hot while flipping around like a dying fish on the edge of my bed. Anyway, after only four sessions of it, I've been noticeably better, if not immediately perfect. This could be a fluke, but for now I'm going to take it as a sign that I might not have a napoleanic tumor invading my ear or inciting a coup in my brain. However, I still don't have a diagnosis because I failed the determining diagnostic test that would tell the physical therapist if I definitely have BPPV, as described below:

"Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) or "Benign paroxysmal vertigo" (BPV) is a condition caused by problems in the inner ear.

Specifically, it is due to the malpositioning and inappropriate accumulation of particulate matter in the semicircular canals of the inner ear. The primary symptom is the sudden onset of severe vertigo that occurs exclusively with head movement in the direction of the affected ear. Patients often describe their first experience occurring while turning their head in bed. The vertigo is brief in duration -- less than 15 seconds by definition. It is often associated with nausea. Patients do not experience other neurological deficits such as slurred speech, numbness, or weakness, and if these symptoms are present, a more concerning etiology such as posterior circulation stroke, must be considered.

The condition is diagnosed by performing the Dix-Hallpike (aka Barany) maneuver which is diagnostic for the condition."

So, no one's really sure why I failed the Dix-Hallpike, but it might be because I have a very mild form of BPPV, or because I am so far into the attack (8 weeks) that the "particulate matter" may be nearly dissloved, or because I might have displaced matter in a very unusual place in my ear. No one is certain. But I'm going back to the physical therapist next week to retake all the balance tests and see if I am, indeed, improving. If I don't show real diagnostic improvement, I will probably have to have an MRI or a CT scan, which is a chilling prospect. Anyone who's ever seen television knows that only dying people get these tests (Mark Green on ER and Joyce Summers on Buffy are only two examples). They get them, and then they die before the season ends. Very foreboding. But I'm not there yet, so it's flopping like a fish for now.